Zirkowitz
6 October 2003, 21:11
I cant claim authorship of this, but I have to share:
Politics are about as fun as a lobotomy; hence, I will address no relevant political issues in this article but rather I intend on staying true to my "making rash and presumptuous statements when knowing little to nothing about a situation" format. With that being said let's get right down to some ideas I have involving whatever's going on in that place, with the camels, and stuff…
Dudes, we should totally send Zack Morris to Iraq.
This war is about as cool as detention with Mr. Belding but with Zacks' help he'll turn that sand pit around and have Iraq bumping like the Max during a KKTY Bayside radio fundraiser!
Reasons why Zack should be sent to Iraq:
Advanced Military Logistics - When Zack was forced by Mr. Belding (what a prick) to join ROTC; cadet Morris met the challenge by beating the pants off the "jocks" in a physical competition, despite the fact he was on a team of complete nerds (i.e. Screech). Zack accomplished this by boasting the teams' morale and decisive strategizing.
Superior Intelligence - Um, we're talking about a guy who got a 1502 on the SATs, which beat the pants off of Jessie Spano and her weak 1200 (side note: Jessie was a pill popping hussy. Had she lain off the sauce maybe she would've made it the College Years.).
Psychological Warfare - When Zack was looking to snare Kelly as his date in an upcoming Bayside pageant he employed the method of subliminal messaging; infecting Bayside with a serious case of "Zack Fever".
Athletic Prowess - Two words: "Running Zack".
Technologically Advanced - His cell phone could launch Patriot Missiles while answering calls to his 900 number advice line.
Reinforcements - Zack Attack wasn't just a band, folks. And "Friends Forever" wasn't just a hit single; it was a way of life.
In conclusion, let the facts speak for themselves. Zack is the kind of guy who can walk into a suck-a-mongus situation and leave it sparkling. Look at what he did for the Malibu Sand Beach Club! Even with a feces-eating boss like Mr. Carosi up in Zacks grill, he STILL turned that bozac beach club into a summer hotspot. Just imagine what he could do for Iraq?!?! Imagine the hilarity, which would ensue as he confronts Sadam!!! I smell detention!! The only way to find out is to DEPLOY CADET MORRIS!!!!
Politics are about as fun as a lobotomy; hence, I will address no relevant political issues in this article but rather I intend on staying true to my "making rash and presumptuous statements when knowing little to nothing about a situation" format. With that being said let's get right down to some ideas I have involving whatever's going on in that place, with the camels, and stuff…
Dudes, we should totally send Zack Morris to Iraq.
This war is about as cool as detention with Mr. Belding but with Zacks' help he'll turn that sand pit around and have Iraq bumping like the Max during a KKTY Bayside radio fundraiser!
Reasons why Zack should be sent to Iraq:
Advanced Military Logistics - When Zack was forced by Mr. Belding (what a prick) to join ROTC; cadet Morris met the challenge by beating the pants off the "jocks" in a physical competition, despite the fact he was on a team of complete nerds (i.e. Screech). Zack accomplished this by boasting the teams' morale and decisive strategizing.
Superior Intelligence - Um, we're talking about a guy who got a 1502 on the SATs, which beat the pants off of Jessie Spano and her weak 1200 (side note: Jessie was a pill popping hussy. Had she lain off the sauce maybe she would've made it the College Years.).
Psychological Warfare - When Zack was looking to snare Kelly as his date in an upcoming Bayside pageant he employed the method of subliminal messaging; infecting Bayside with a serious case of "Zack Fever".
Athletic Prowess - Two words: "Running Zack".
Technologically Advanced - His cell phone could launch Patriot Missiles while answering calls to his 900 number advice line.
Reinforcements - Zack Attack wasn't just a band, folks. And "Friends Forever" wasn't just a hit single; it was a way of life.
In conclusion, let the facts speak for themselves. Zack is the kind of guy who can walk into a suck-a-mongus situation and leave it sparkling. Look at what he did for the Malibu Sand Beach Club! Even with a feces-eating boss like Mr. Carosi up in Zacks grill, he STILL turned that bozac beach club into a summer hotspot. Just imagine what he could do for Iraq?!?! Imagine the hilarity, which would ensue as he confronts Sadam!!! I smell detention!! The only way to find out is to DEPLOY CADET MORRIS!!!!